I guess I settled for Hawaii. that sounds not like settling to a lot of people but I grew up in Hawaii and my dream was to leave. You'd be surprised how much of Hawaii lives under the poverty line and how much of the local culture is simple surfing and tanning and I wanted more. so I left for New York for college then LA. I met a boy there and had a 2 year relationship I took for granted would last forever and when he left me I suddenly didn't know what to do with myself. I finished my art degree, but I was so depressed I had no energy to find a job to stay in LA even a year later. I just wanted to go home where mom would feed me and I could cry in the closet instead of work.

but I moved home and all my high school friends stayed in the mainland mostly. I couldn't find a job with an art degree here.

but a month after I moved to Hawaii and in with my parents, my dad got diagnosed with cancer. he passed away about a month after. I would've had to leave whatever career I might've had to come home. and after he passed I couldn't leave my mom by herself (she had a stroke years back and has mobility issues though she's mostly self sufficient). I even got a job offer for a dream job I interviewed for back in Cali and had to turn it down. I still think about that.

but there's no doubt I couldn't have stayed in Cali and I couldn't have gone back. maybe someday I can move my family there because I still don't have much friends here and I still don't embrace Hawaii the way I should. But I work in an office and don't use my degree. I always wonder what would've happened if I treated that relationship like I should've and what had happened had I been happy enough to find a job or take that job. idk if it's settling because to me I had no other choice but I'm settling now for being here. I'm hoping to make choices that make me happier and to realize one day that this life is the one I've always wanted.