My ex had physical health problems, depression and fairly sure borderline personality disorder. She was incredibly manipulative towards me, managed to cut everyone else out her own life and over the three years together cut me off from my own friends and family. I loved her and really tried everyday but living with someone that's dedicated to destroying themselves and blaming everyone else for the mess is soul destroying. When a simple call to your own mother triggers a weeklong depressive episode in your partner because she hates her own mother so I can't talk to my own (I mean crying all day, everyday, not eating not even moving, the whole time swearing and physically abusing you), and this happens every other week, as cruel as it sounds it starts to turn into static noise. On her good weeks I would make her breakfast on her day off, kiss her tell her I love her, she would genuinely respond, I would be thinking today's going to be a good day - only to come home to her in the corner of the bathroom, covered in blood from cutting herself swearing at me telling me I was to blame, I shouldn't have gone to work when she has a day off because it shows I don't really love her, i mean fucking crazy shit. After years of this, doctors visits, mental health crisis teams etc I had lost myself completly, finally took a day away from her to have a breather, she was fucking furious that I wanted to spend a night away from her, her last words to me were "if you leave right now everything that happens is your fault you piece of shit, fuck you". I txt a couple of her friends said she was in quite a state, didn't really feel like talking, drove around aimlessly for a few hours then slept outside work for the night. I came back the next afternoon and she had ODed on a months supply of insulin and morphine - long story short she was in ICU for a while, and required speech and physical therapy due to having low blood oxygen for so long, but she lived.
How did I feel about it? Absolute guilt and numbness for a week, then a good friend of hers told me that it was not in any way my fault, relationships are hard enough as it is without the shit that she brung to it, and that I'm allowed to be happy and she hadn't seen me smile in three years. Then my parents told me that shes not my problem anymore, her family will look after her and that I'm allowed to move on with my life, yeah I had gotten to the point where I needed to be given permission to live life, that was a a huge relief and I broke down crying and laughing, it felt like i had physically had a truck lifted off my shoulders. I still had nightmares about being in that relationship for years afterwards, but sweet fuck I'm glad that is well behind me