They made me feel embarassed to have friendships from Kindergarten until right before high school. They would joke around with me every time they saw another kid talking to me, and they wouldn't let me talk to a friend on the phone without eavesdropping.

What made this worse was that one of their most common forms of discipline was to threaten to embarass me. I was a good kid and a good student, but some days I wouldn't want to go to school. So my mom would threaten to tell embarassing stories to my principal, my teachers and all the other kids - things like when I peed my pants when I was 4 years old because I never used a urinal before.

It really fucked with me as a kid, and I never made a friend until high school. I was a good student, especially at math, but my reading and writing skills weren't very good. Later on in my life, when I looked back, I realized it was because I rarely had conversations with other people. My older sister would always ignore me, and I was always worried my parents would make fun of me if I talked to them.

I've confronted my parents about this many times, and have gone months and years without speaking to them. I know they feel really sorry about it, but no matter how bad I know they feel, it doesn't make me feel any better. It just angers me more, since it makes me it true that they were horrible. Sometimes I get so angry that I blackout. In college, my mom had a habit of calling me around 11pm. If I happened to be out drinking with friends, she would be worried and start lecturing me. All it took was that to get me to blackout in rage.

I've taken DMT to help me, which was great for the first month. But as soon as I start getting stressed, the memories come back.