So, it’s a really long and complicated story, but in 2009/10 my mom told me she had stage four colon cancer, and I picked up my entire life to move halfway across the country and take care of her. I was twenty nine and this was twelve years ago now. When I got there she wouldn’t let me go to the doctor w/ her, wouldn’t talk about the cancer, was drinking all the time, and had also told other ppl she had brain cancer. When I asked about the brain cancer she said she “just knew” she had it and it wasn’t diagnosed by a doctor. She was on unemployment and had blown a 500k divorce settlement on booze. It was a really awful time- I spent four months trying to help her and even tried to stage an intervention with family and friends bc I thought she might not be telling the truth and she needed help w her drinking. I finally told some ppl close to us that I thought she was lying but no one believed me, and I was just alone trying to figure things out (I was her only child). After four months I left for an out of state job because I felt like she was going to kill me, or like something really bad was going to happen if I stayed. But I did tell her that I would stay if she started seeing a therapist and got help, or if she let me go to the doctor with her. She wouldn’t do either one. I planned to visit her two months after leaving, but after a month of my being gone she took her own life. She’d bought a gun while I was there with her. She left notes admitting she lied about having cancer. I asked for an autopsy and they also found no cancer. Before my mom got “sick” I’d drawn strong boundaries with her bc of previous lying and also started therapy. I was putting my life together for the first time bc I was so traumatized from my childhood w her. Looking back, it really feels like she lied because she was lonely and wanted my attention. She was totally broke when she died, living in a rental house.

All of this said, I am glad I did everything I could and truly do wish I could have helped her. I loved her immensely and still do despite everything. I’ll never get over it.