I’m not a suicidal person at all, and have a home, family, support, love.

But I’m on the spectrum and have emotional dysregulation. I can get runaway emotions, just like you can have a runaway train: quickly accelerating past the point of control. My wife has learned that I cannot be helped in these moments, and that she can’t even watch.

It’s a lonely place to be when my emotions are too big for others. It’s like, do you have any idea what I’m going through? And I think that because they CAN’T know - their brain chemistry doesn’t let things go haywire like mine does - that they step away and hope things are ok when they come back.