I have a good relationship with my parents and sister, watching my niece grow up has been amazing, and I have a good number of close friends.

But none of that changes that I just feel completely empty. Like there's just a fog over the world that turns everything monochrome and unremarkable. My highs and lows aren't that severe. I just exist in a constant state of apathetic numbness. I use drugs not because I want to or think it's 'cool' but because they give me a temporary break from my own mind.

At this point I'm honestly just hanging on to avoid hurting my loved ones and in the desperate hope that I'll be able to turn it around and make them proud.