My emotionally and physically abusive mother beat me so bad with a belt buckle one day that I phoned the cops on her (I was 16, parents divorced, forced to live with my mom). She was hysteric when she found out that I phoned and said that she will tell them I am on drugs and that they will believe her. My sister was about 14 years old at the time and my mother said that she better tell them this too, otherwise there will be trouble. I stood my ground firmly and said that after they see the state that I am in, they will believe me. I even told her that I rented a karate book from the library to learn to defend myself if she attempts to hit me again (she only laughed at that one). Once they arrived, she rushed outside and told them that I am on drugs and an out of control child. Two police officers came inside. The captain scolded me saying that I must not phone them again and waste their time, and that I am making it hard for my mother. That I have nothing to complain about and that I was just disciplined. That was the breaking point for me - the fact that they had not even met me, and took her side. My eyes were swollen from all of the crying (probably looked like I was on drugs) and I kept on telling them that I am telling the truth and that I am not taking any drugs - they are welcome to test me - I actually insisted. The captain still continued his speech of me throwing a tantrum because I was disciplined. The other police office came close to me after the captain and my mom went outside, and said the following: "This is a tough situation, and I am not here to tell you if you are right or wrong, just that you should be the lesser one, and in a few years get out." These words prevented me from taking my life that night. Though, my trust in our police force was shattered. They were the last resort for me, and it has been the first time that I made a decision to reach out at that time. After they left, my mother came to me and said: "See, I told you they would not believe you."

I have been through 2 years of psychotherapy to work on my issues. Although the therapy was fantastic, I still have trust issues with other women. I am better now, though. My way of forgiving is by being polite in my mom's company (when I see her at family events). It is still difficult for me to work with female co-workers and especially to confide with any female that I know.

I am getting married next year (30 y.o.) and I shared with my fiancee that I never want children, because of my fear of ever doing to them what she did to me. He believes that I will be the best mother ever, just by judging what a wonderful mother I am to our two cats and because I am aware of what unhealthy behaviours are. I still need reassurance that I am a good person, no matter how good I am doing in my job or in my relationship.