I have a couple. When I was a teenager I had 3 separate encounters with men who exposed/pleasured themselves while watching me in public places. Once was at my school bus stop another time was at a city bus stop and another time in a restaurant. Oh and another time while I was riding the city bus so I guess that makes four times. I was mostly in shock and every time it happened I kind of just ran away. Then a few years after those incidents while I was in the Navy I was hanging out with a few guy friends in a barracks room and drinking way too much Jack Daniels. The last thing I remember was taking a giant swig of jack and then I blacked out. I woke up in the middle of the night with one of my "friends" on top of me having sex with me. I was so fucked up I couldn't move and all I could do was whimper out a very weak "no, stop". He put his hands over my mouth and I passed out again. When I came to I was completely naked in his bed and he was sleeping next to me. I grabbed my clothes and threw them on and ran out of the room. Afterwards I was very ashamed and disgusted with myself, I was so upset that I let myself get that drunk and I should have been more responsible with my drinking. Thing is I trusted this dude, we had been friends for a little over a year and I just never thought he would do something like this. I never turned him in. I was scared of the backlash I'd get from other people on the boat, getting shamed, being called a slut and I'd have to go through an investigation and relive it all over again. Plus if I had told I would have had to leave the boat and leave all my friends. For a long time I acted like nothing had happened and tried to forget about it because I was so embarrassed. I still sort of blame myself for it, for getting that drunk and not being responsible for myself. It's weird because I would never blame the victim if it were someone else and they were in my exact situation because I know that it wasn't there fault. For some reason I just don't apply those rules to myself, even though the few people I've told have said over and over again that it's not my fault. To this day I still hate myself for not saying anything because he could have done this exact same thing to another girl. I've had issues trusting people since then and have kind of shut myself down and don't really let myself get close to people anymore. I know I probably need professional help but I can't really afford a doctor right now. Confessing this to a bunch of strangers helps a bit in a way, sometimes I really want to talk about it but I think it makes my friends uncomfortable so I just don't say anything anymore. I guess I'm still fucked up about it even though it happened seven years ago, I'm not really sure if the shame will ever go away.