I don't blame you for the decisions you've made since this happened. I think many of us would have gone down the same road given the weight of your situation. I'm so sorry for your loss; it must be so overwhelming to process the loss of someone so close to you. I can't imagine. I do want you to consider, however, how your sister would feel about your situation today, if she were still here? You know what she was like and who she was. How would she perceive your life day-to-day? Think about this, and make any changes happen for her. Prove her right. Think about her love for you, her respect for you, and how proud she was to be your sister.

Now use these thoughts to make that perception your sister had of you a reality. If that means a new environment, so be it. Use her love and her memory to keep clean; do it for her and for you in the process. If that means a new job, friends, or hobbies, so be it. Think back to some of your favorite memories with her, maybe some things you've left in recent years. Return to such and make her proud. Be the person she knew you always were. That's the best way of remembering her.

Nobody can change what happened. Such is the tragedy of life, and it is not fair. It really isn't. I want to encourage you to see professional counseling to process such. There is no shame in that, and I hope you aren't against doing so. It will help, even if you don't think it will. I'm sorry if this text is abrasive or unwelcomed - I don't mean to pry into your business. I know my words can't change what happened, and I don't know you well enough to make sweeping life advice. Just a stranger on the internet that hopes things look up for you. Cheers.