Honestly, I’m afraid to. When we were together every day (just before April), he would strangle me and smother my face till I thought I was going to die. He’s grabbed me thousands of times which had resulted in bruising, cuts, I have lots of scars, even two big marks on my hands from when his nails have dug into me. He’s been.. yeah.. really violent. The day I decided to re dye my hair was the day he bullied me so hard I called the police and he was arrested. They arrested him for raping me.. which, y’know, had sort of happened the week before. Then we didn’t talk for weeks because the police demanded it and I got better, I started being positive, stopped crying every day, things genuinely were so much easier. He still contacted me and harassed me every day and for some reason I didn’t have the emotional power to tell anyone. I was embarrassed I guess. The moment he was off his parol, he started directly contacting me and still acted like he was my boyfriend, and then we just ended up together again. It’s been like this for months, he emotionally abused me but doesn’t get the chance to physically abuse me as much because our relationship is secret. He still grabs me occasionally. We fight a lot because he’s expressed to me his fantasies about hurting me, and so I warned a bunch of people about him. He found out. He constantly tells me that he didn’t rape me and that if I love him I should basically tell everyone I’m a liar, it’s messy and complicated. Whenever I finally get him out my life, he somehow gets back in. We’ve been together for so long I literally don’t know why different. Maybe moving away will give me the perfect opportunity to leave and never look back? I don’t know. I feel useless.