Sobriety has not resolved my core problems

hey man, I can certainly relate to having a lot of the same behaviors/problems now that I had during active addiction. I have good weeks and then have a bad, depressive week where it feels like all I'm doing is just passing time, acting like a dry junkie. I don't know if I have the same lows you are describing and I'm lucky to have been able to keep my job, but it is brutal seeing that if I live the way I do without any changes, I'm gonna still fuck myself up and alienate people.

I have no easy solution, but I have a couple thoughts:

Like, maybe what you need to do is move to a new city where there are more jobs, maybe see about going to school (I know you can draw, graphic design maybe?). All of that might feel impossible when you've got no forward motion, no job. FOr me, everything seems worse, I feel way more trapped, when I don't have money or I have to rely on someone else to provide for me. That said, having some type of big goal might help you start seeing opportunities you may have otherwise missed. it's corny, but you've got to change within to change without. Also, even if you don't want to move, just really grinding to find a job is gonna help you, doing odd jobs with expand your network. I worked as a geologist for a summer just cause I talked to my friend's dad about enjoying hiking. Just getting a little money in your pocket will give you some freedom to determine the basic direction of your life.

also, like I said, I have good weeks and bad weeks. The good weeks are usually coming from me forcing myself to be active, and doing the right stuff for myself, and being consciously grateful for what I have. The gratitude shit can really turn my thinking around, because I'll spiral off into some bullshit because I'm thinking "fuck it, this sucks, this job blows, my life is boring, people are assholes, etc". Your brother may have made a joke about addiction, but you've got a brother and you have the opportunity to talk to him about it. You've got your parents, both of whom sound like they've been big supports. Force yourself every morning to make a list of 10 things to be grateful for. FOr me it's usually my fam, some friends, the sky, my bike, my band.

I know you are aware of all this, but I, personally, need reminders sometimes. I always like your posts on here cause you are honest. hope you find some clarity, let me know how it goes.

/r/OpiatesRecovery Thread