Allow me to partake, if I could choose a character, I would choose Link because I wish to remember. Let me tell you the story...
300 years ago, I was a growing boy, blissfully living in a remote village. The bananas grew, our beans flourished and my pet arctic fox, Jeff, was as happy as can be.
It all changed when the Mongols arrived. I was taken from the village, brutally snatched away from the eden that I called home. Before my tear-stained eyes closed from exhaustion, I saw dancing flames above my fading paradise.
In the Mongolian castle, life wasn't terrible. My yellow skin tone allowed me to assimilate rather easily into the nomadic tribe. Soon thereafter, life steadied. I spent time in the Mongolian tents conversing with others. I spent time on the Mongolian plains riding a trusty horse I named Jeff. Of all, I will remember spending time in the Mongolian Walmart, riding the display bikes as far as I could from the bike section without being caught.
Yet, throughout my blissful times, I would always hold onto a small petal I had held onto when being taken from the village. To me, it symbolized my past, a fragment of hope to return to the bananas, beans, and of course, Jeff the Fox.
One day, the Mongolian leader eyed my keepsake and took a liking to it. I do not need to continue as I'm sure you know he took it.
Outraged, I came up with a plan to reclaim the petal. The first night would be the planning and gathering of materials. The second would be the placement. The third and FINAL DAY WOULD be the day that all s*** broke loose.
With hours running down on the final day, things were looking grim. I hadn't prepared as well as I wanted to, but I had to continue with my plan. I meticulously set up the trap that would stop my target.
Strolling along, the chief was merrily enjoying his day. Then, he unfortunately noticed my trap.
The Whopper Sandwich I had placed beneath a propped up box had caught his attention (because I knew a Big Mac barely wouldn't satisfy a big boy like him). When he approached I pulled the string, bringing the tree branch I had used as a foundation with it. With a rumbling crash, the cardboard box fell upon the Chief's unsuspecting head, enshrouding him in darkness. Unforeseen by me, the trap was insufficient. The Mongolian leader skillfully threw off the effect of my trap ( I had no idea how he did it, maybe he was a POKEMON?!?) and stomped toward me with scowls over his face and a replica Falchion in his hand. At that moment, Legend of Zelda Animated Series Link came, riding a Mercedes Benz with Glocks in both hands. Taking down the Mongolian Chief, he rescued me and drove me back to my childhood paradise.
Together, Link and I restored the village to its former glory. Jeff, Link, other Jeff, and I became great friends. Link also taught me the values which I still hold close to my heart. And that is why I, Nicolas Cage, to this day, can still make young girls want me, despite having my head stuffed into a cage full of bees.
Thank you for listening to my story ( I also wanted to lighten up this thread after seeing it getting a bit sad)