Well, I can't offer anything about the coming back.
I will say that I have a sibling that has left the church in a similar fashion. I'll just say I have tried every kind of argument and honestly going on 3 years now I have lost countless hours. The greatest benefit for me was first that the heartbreak I felt at the beginning has subsided and I have some comfort that has helped me put aside my despair for my sibling. I also spend a lot more time reading the scriptures, talks and church resources, and I have looked more critically at myself with regard to how my faith has been tended to.
I haven't always been balanced in how I do this and I would caution that you should not over focus on the results or outcome you desire. I've read the anti-/ex- material and the best spin I can put on it is this, if you decide to try and answer every question, you'll learn a lot, but it's also a massive drain on your time and resources and there is no end, because once you resolve or think you've resolved one issue the circle of the argument simply expands to encompass a harvested list of issues that range well beyond everything we know because we aren't historians or very practiced with contending our beliefs against history or people.
One way or another, I think you'll end up learning more about the church, because you really should, but, for me at least, I suppose what has kept me rooted was 1. anti- material seems to forget about responsibility, virtue, the desire to be closer to god, and I have never EVER heard them talk about praying except in derision and 2. I've always had a vastly more positive feeling in just a few minutes reading talks or scriptures than any amount of time reading ex-material. 3. everything my sibling has encouraged me to be free from my "kool-aid drinking and oppressive mind-sucking leaders", sort of his/their words, not mine, are always to do less, to relax my hold on the gospel messages that I do firmly believe make me better.
For me, I think what has forced me to slow down was, not taking it upon myself to try and find every single little answer immediately. It's a trap because in the end, for one, if the church hasn't released a statement that endorses you're particular point of view, you're not authorized to answer in their eyes (I don't say your wife, because quite honestly if she's in the community of ex-s' she'll be coming at you with well...the ex-community kitchen sink), you're just an apologist without a ph.d, and any novice mistake will be the focus of any reply you get. I have found strength in my weakness to answer every question by remembering that I'm still a learner and even Jesus received not of the fullness at first, but continued from grace to grace, until he received a fullness. Also, take strength from remembering that the church teaches correct principles, and the members govern themselves, that Jesus at first only addressed the Jews (by in large leaving the mission to the gentiles till after his mortal ministry), that it is we who are unreliable, not the spirit of the lord, and that no matter your race, lineage, religion, skin or belief, the scriptures testify that the lord always rewards and protects the righteous, not from suffering, but from despair; they always have hope.
Let me conclude by saying, try to focus on achieving good outcomes and look (and pray) for opportunities to learn and do as the heavenly father would have you do (see hymn 281, "Help Me Teach with Inspiration"). One thing I'll agree with some in the ex- community is that some marriage counseling may be in order to help you both keep peace in the household.
Also remember that the scriptures and the church have encouraged us to not judge, be humble, and lift and encourage, not tear down. Read as much as you can about Jesus Christ's example to temper your reactions, hold your peace especially when you're uncertain or going on blind instinct. Sometimes it's good to just listen to your wife's opposing viewpoint and acknowledge that you understand her question and you don't have an answer because while you have faith the answer to such questions can be known, you don't know now.
When missionaries can't find opportunities to preach the gospel, they usually revert to service. Maybe you'll have success, maybe you won't, but at least really make the effort to not try to change your spouse's mind against her will if she isn't asking you to express your belief and respect her beliefs especially because I think you want her to respect yours. Turn to other avenues or opportunities to strengthen the bond between you and your wife.
I don't think she can usurp all the family decisions where you're children are concerned, but I'll let you work that kind of stuff out with a counselor or with your wife outright. Best of luck.
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/7.14?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/alternate-voices?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng
Gifts of the Spirit 1 Corinthians 12
Fruits of the Spirit Galatians 5:22-23
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1978/08/i-have-a-question?lang=eng