Helping other people in crisis gives me a sense of purpose and I feel most alive when I was working on crisis chat. My stupid landlord freaked out cause I was gone a day to visit from friends, called my work freaking out, and then told them that I was dealing with depression. I came back to my work and they said that they think this line of work would be too hard and upsetting for someone with depression...
Umm yeah, perhaps if I had a typical brain, but heavy topics don't "trigger" me. I can talk about suicide in same tone of voice and feeling I would about making toast.
Animals fill me with calm and happiness. My landlord's reaction to me getting a bird after I had to get rid of my dog was "NO PETS, but I can be your bird, hang out with me" shudder
Rejection from peers and those I care about flares up my suicidal feelings. I thought I found a community with an lgbt crowd dealing with depression, but they rejected me when I had a disagreement with a friend (not yelling or anything nasty said on my part) but they said that me feeling depressed afterwards made the girl feel bad for saying something not so nice about me which flared up her depression. So solution? Ditch me.
Other friends said that they wanted me out of their lives because me considering suicide hurt their image that life is great and everyone should be forced to stay alive even if they had a life of misery lasting 90 years.
I'm strongly considering going to the bridge this weekend or by next week.
Pain of all these friends leaving me moment I got out of the hospital triggered feelings of rejection from partners, family ,and friends in the past.
I lost everything that gave me solace. One of my cardinal rules for a justified suicide is that one shouldn't if they have dependents in their care... my little doggy was my little life saver.