After around six calm and relatively decent years I feel like my major depression is coming back. I thought I had turned my life around by starting college. Now I realize my degree won't even get me a job after graduating mainly because I am simply not good enough in my field. And this is if I can graduate... Since I majorly fucked up during my exchange, I may have to pay back the entire grant which I can't. I simply have no money to do that. It can mean that I may not even graduate.

My girlfriend lives abroad and doesn't want to move to my country. Failure to get my diploma would mean she also dumps me because she lives in EU and there is no way for me to get there legally. No money, no university diploma, no job...

At 26 I think I am still young but the scary thing is I am starting to think that things just don't change and I will have to deal with this kind of feeling as long as I am alive. It will keep coming back. I feel so broken mentally and can't afford a shrink or anything. I am fucking poor, I am unhealthy, I see no prospects for me and I am starting to feel more and more sick mentally.