I'm 38 going on 39. I'm married and have an 11 year old. My mother was my best friend and she died almost 3 years ago. I have suffered from severe depression and suicidal ideation for the majority of my life. Some days suicidal thoughts are momentary and some days I spiral for hours. I would suggest sticking with a therapist. Go weekly if possible even if it feels like a waste of time. Make sure its the right therapist and make sure you are 100% honest. I wish I could give you one thing that helps me but there isn't. Sometimes its listening to the Hollywood Babble On podcast. Some days its just a hug from my kid. One thing I find helpful is forcing myself to go out and interact with the world. I try to be kind to everyone and do things for others. Dont give up. I've attempted before and survived. You never know what tomorrow will be.