Hi OP! I think the reason you're getting the negative responses you are is more to do with your attitude than your problem itself. In your replies you seem quite quick to disregard others, which is a bit odd in someone who's proposing a move into a very selfless and empathetic career... saying that, I think I have a perspective that might be useful, so hopefully you see this.

In my mind, the problem here isn't the career path itself, but the lack of action on your part. You want to be a doctor based on an offhand comment. However, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, as all ideas are planted somewhere - might as well be from a professional in the field! So you start thinking about the comment and do some research. In a few months you've gone for coffee with your doctor, and you've used Google - this is nowhere near enough to propose a complete lifestyle shift. I saw another commenter suggest volunteering as a way to decide if it's the right path for you (as well as being a very real requirement for med school), but you immediately blamed your wife and said you wouldn't be 'allowed' to do it. That attitude is unhelpful, and representative of why you're being downvoted here.

I, for example, am a writer - another profession that people often covet and idealise in their heads. It is very hard to make a living from writing, and it takes a while to build up that career, so I'll use that as a comparison for your situation (although I know there are HUGE differences). I worked hard, got a relevant education for my specialty, did loads of work experience, got a few jobs and made connections, and now I'm lucky enough to be making a good living working as a freelance writer. It's wonderful - but people often say "Oh, I've always thought about doing your job" or "I want to do your job!" without appreciating the amount of work involved, and the amount of times I've had to prove myself - including to my husband. We discussed everything as equals with equal opinions, because it affects us both. What if the freelancing doesn't work, can we support ourselves on one salary? Was my husband happy to take that burden (financially and emotionally)? How would I handle working (alone) from home? How long should I try before going back to a salaried job? etc. etc. I guess this part could all be applied to your situation - no real difference there other than career specifics, and the fact that you and your wife don't seem to be communicating very effectively.

My husband was very supportive and encouraged me to go for it... but it's not just because he's wonderful. There's one KEY difference here in that I've actually taken some action to prove that this could work out. My husband knew I had the experience, the motivation, and the right attitude to make it work, as I had been doing for years. You aren't showing your wife this. Why should she trust that you are a) capable of being a doctor, b) capable of getting into medical school, and c) capable of balancing your family with your newfound career (of which you have no experience at all)? Words mean very little if someone's entire life is being disturbed - you need to show her why it's something that can - and should - be done, tackling her concerns in the process.

I am a great believer in 'find a job that makes you happy' - but an even greater one in being an adult and handling your responsibilities to others. If I went to my husband and said, 'I want to be a lawyer! It's going to be great, my lawyer friend said I'd be good at it, I've done loads of Google research' and then waved off the specifics (cost, length of time, demanding schedule, your two young children, job instability, your recent illness, her very valid concerns), why should he respect me as an adult? I'm sure not acting like one. Why should he think my sudden goal is reasonable? It's not. Should he just be happy about my epiphany because he should want me to be happy? Absolutely not. This isn't what he expected to happen with his future. It's even worse for you, as you have CHILDREN. You don't get to be so carefree and 'live your dreams' once kids are involved, it requires a far more logical approach.

In that scenario I'm also completely dismissing his concerns as 'lesser' than my opinions. Your wife obviously wants stability, so find a way into your chosen career that gives you that. I don't get the impression she's that worried about overall income, as you guys have been fine with one salary for a while, but she sounds like the kind of person who wants a PLAN, and a husband who appreciates the effort it'll take on her part, too. I would talk to your doctor, see if you could do part-time at the research assistant job and part-time at your existing retail job - if not, find another way. Part time volunteering, weekend volunteering, evening volunteering... There is almost always a way into any career (given you're intelligent enough for medicine, which I'm assuming) but you do have to treat it in a more adult way than you're doing here. Step 1: GET SOME EXPERIENCE. If you're in a relationship where your partner won't 'let you' do something, you have bigger issues (although I reckon this is poor wording on your part - I think she expressed concerns and asked for more evidence that it'd work, and you couldn't provide it, so you see game over for your dreams).

Personally I think you should give it a shot if you'd always regret it, as it won't be much good for your relationship anyway if you can't let go of your resentment over this. Try again to reach a compromise with your wife, but this time ACTUALLY COMPROMISE. It's not 'I want to be a doctor or NOTHING'. For now, it's 'How can I find a way into the medical field?' Also, you married your wife, and in a couple of comments you seem to care about her a little, at least. Treat her concerns as valid, make a list of them, and rebut and/or accept them one by one. Stop being so pig-headed, and you might make it work.

Best of luck OP. If any of this was any help or you want to discuss any of it feel free to DM.