Cache of OP:
My mother (66F) and father (67M) want back into my (28F) life after a three year gap following my mother's affair with my ex boyfriend (30M). God... where do I actually begin with this mess.
I was with Dickhead (ex-boyfriend and from now only called DH) for nearly five years. We met in college and hit it off. Never had a fight or anything of that nature. I'm fairly level headed and always seek communication first which worked out really well in our favour. When we finished up our courses, I got a job close to my family and moved back with DH in tow. He eventually got a good job too and everything seemed perfect.
Then, three years ago and just after we'd become engaged (his idea alone! I'd no idea he'd even wanted to get married), I came home early one day to find him having sex with my mom. Trust me when i saw that if I could've burned the eyes out of my head at that point I would have. I literally had nightmares for months after of him taking her doggy style over the kitchen table.
Long story short, I threw the engagement ring at him, pushed my crying mother away from me and took off. I obviously told my father straight away who wasn't surprised to my horror.
Apparently they'd been talking about opening their relationship for awhile and had just done so. She'd never told him who she'd intended on partnering with. He actually said that maybe I needed to really think whether monogamy was really the right way and what harm was there really in my mom having a little fun with DH.
You have to understand at this point that my dad gets into the phases where he gets completely absorbed into lifestyles he reads about and thinks they suit him better - such as when we were young he went through a phase were he felt that the hunter-gatherer lifestyle is the right way and got us all learning to hunt. As hard as that was to stomach my father saying that to me, I knew that what happens to them is their own business. My dad had basically approved my mother's betrayal of me.
This is where I really lucked out (thank you personal finance advisor I went to during college!). I'd been the only one of us saving for a house and had a nice tidy sum of money locked up in my account. So I left. Took off. No note, no message. Handed in my notice at my job, rang my landlord and paid whatever it took to free me from the lease. I left all the furnishings and stuff I owned because I just didn't care. I packed a bag of clothes and essentials, got into my car and went.
I had a blast. I crossed the states in the best roadtrip I've ever had all by myself. I eventually found another job on the west coast and have worked it ever since. Met my husband, had a really small wedding as neither of us are big on those sort of things and now have a beautiful three month old son after a pretty hard pregnancy.
In all that time, I only kept in touch with my sisters. They attended my wedding secretly as I didn't want my parents knowing anything about my life as they'd only try to come too and ruin it all. They were the first to hear of my pregnancy, etc. My husband knows everything btw. Just in case you're wondering.
The problem I'm faced with is that my younger sister confessed to my parents everything. About where I am, about the fact I'm married and that I've had a baby. I've not been able to get in touch with my sis since I started getting letters and phonecalls from them.
It's all one big giant guilt trip. They whine about how much they miss me, how they've missed such important events in my life and how they want to know their first grandchild. Not an hour ago I got a voice message from DH who was blubbering a sob story over how he thought I was dead or something. About how devasted he was and still is that I left him and now to find out that I've moved on. My husband is a star. He's basically just said that whatever I decide he'll stand behind me 100%.
My real issue is that my resolve is starting to crack. I look at my son and think that maybe he should know them. I mean he has wonderful grandparents in my in-laws but surely he should know my own family too.
I just need advice here! Should I stay strong or are they right in that I shouldn't have done what I did?
TLDR: My mother had an affair with my ex. I left and disappeared. Three years later, my parents have found out about my new life and want back in. What should I do?
UPDATE:
Hey guys,
Just wanted to say really quickly just how blown away I am by all the messages and support. Even those who say that this is fake as you guys validate every time I've ever told somebody my parents are dead rather than having to tell the truth. So thanks for that!
Just a really short update in that my sister got in touch. We'll be talking properly in another hour when she's free so I'm bracing myself for that talk.
I'll try to update for you all eventually. I've actually found this really therapeutic. Special thanks for all those who suggested /sub/raisedbynarcissists. I've read a few threads and its been really eye opening to see that what I had thought as "normal" was completely removed from it.
Thanks again, everyone!