Greetings fellow citizens!
This friendly PSA shall sum up in no more nor less than 300 words the most important information about the newest strain of "Butthertz" recently detected to be making the rounds!
The first step is to ascertain if you yourself have been infected with the vicious "Butthertz". If not, please attempt to distance yourself from any possible carrier of "Teh Triggurz". Sources report that a recent outbreak has occurred in /r/planetside , so beware. Once you have isolated yourself, amass enough food to fuel your 500 Ton shit machine (Which works from both ends apparently). After gathering enough food, curl up into the fetal position and deprive yourself of any sensory input whatsoever.
Should you be unfortunate enough to have contracted the vicious "Butthertz", please ensure you follow these steps to the letter.
Step 1: Find your nearest "Butthertz" treatment center. If you are in America, the closest locations are at the tip of the Space Needle, the Washington Monument (At Washingtons Arse lies a secret entrance) , and Yellowstone Park. Its right inside the volcano.
Step 2: If you are of the major "Butthertz" please proceed to the Grand Canyon, where our best equipped treatment center is located.
Step 3: Follow the instructions of the doctors there to the letter.
Step 4: If the centers have been evacuated, do take note, not all hope is lost.
Step 5: Inside the treatment centers you should find several hundred handguns and several hundred thousand rounds of ammunition.
Step 6: Follow the posters pinned to the walls, they will show you how to load and operate the gun.
Step 7: Finally, with gun in hand, shoot yourself in the head.
Congratulations! You are now cured of "Butthertz"!
Remember citizen, only you can help to stop the spread of teh "Butthertz".