How bad does his boss treat him to act so irrational? He needs to quit his job or get therapy or talk to HR. The fact that he chose to kill himself because you dated in college for a year shows how bad his mental state is from Paul. Paul seems like a monster of a person.

As for you feeling bad I understand the feeling, you can look at my post in relationship advise and how similar they are; however, this isn’t your fault at all. And I’ll share my similar story where I am your husband:

There is this guy I just don’t like at all, and i was complaining about him to my girlfriend and she started to cry. I asked her what’s wrong and she said 7 months before we even knew each other she had sex with him in my fraternity house when we were having a party. I was extremely upset, I kept thinking how I was probably at this party and how disgusting that was in the first place. She’s a sweet and innocent person and had a break down waiting for someone to come along.

Yes I was upset with her irrationally too, but I came to my senses pretty quickly and said you shouldn’t feel bad, clearly you didn’t know your husband at the time and it shouldn’t be a big deal. I explained how I was acting childish but I couldn’t help it. I eventually moved within the next two days cause in reality, it’s my fault for over reacting and being childish about a situation where she didn’t even know me. So moral of the story is be there for him, but as someone who’s been in your husbands situation of finding out something you don’t want picture... this isn’t your fault