Yeah, I had a lot of similar thoughts about this movie, although different conclusions about the effectiveness of it's themes. On one hand, I really actually liked the willingness to tackle this kind of heavy theme of how toxic your own family can be. I liked how this wasn't just another movie about how blood is thicker than water, family should be #1, etc, but how it's important to try to actually understand your family members for who they are in their entirety rather than to see them for who they want them to be. I also liked how it showed the different ways Abuela's standards were internalized differently by each family member, such as Isabella trying to embody literal perfection for the sake of the family or how even with how Mirabel's parents were kind but ultimately deferential towards Abuela in a way that made them complacent towards Mirabel's mistreatment. Abusive is a pattern after all.

On the other hand, I think the conclusion to this movie is an idealized ending, obviously since it's Disney. I definitely also bristled against this version of "reconciliation" because I couldn't imagine this happening with my own parents or even if I could accept it. Idk, I don't know if the ending was a free pass, the Casita really was destroyed and Abuela was forced to actually realize the harm of her actions. I guess in this perfect Disney world, it's a guarantee that she would learn her lesson, it's just not something that could be realistically applied irl.