My seated practice is recovering after a seemingly random nosedive. My off cushion mindfulness is definitely better than it was before I started practicing six months ago so I'm not too upset about it all.

Lately I have been struggling with a persistent feeling of "not okay". For example, I have been practicing a lot of gratitude lately because it really feels like my life is pretty awesome and I have a lot to be grateful for. Yet no matter how consuming my gratitude and happiness, tears welling in my eyes, there is this little nagging sensation of fear, of wrongness. a subtle worry that just around the corner is the anxiety, sadness, and pain that have typified my life in the past and still comes and goes. I feel like sometimes the only time I feel peace are brief moments of immersion in the present. Often these moments are broken by the fear. The fear can come as many different thoughts and feelings but I think those are just illustrations my mind puts on top of a sensation.

Any thoughts on this welcome. I practice Metta regularly and feel like my practice is fruitful. Is this a healing that just takes time?