I will definitely enforce strict standards of dress under the following circumstances:

• Clothing which can cause burns. If a piece of clothing is on fire, made of lava, or according to my Geiger counter is giving off sufficient radiation to cause immediate radiation burns, I will insist on calling home to have a parent bring a replacement piece of clothing.

• Bowling shirts made entirely of cocaine. Not only do we have a zero tolerance policy toward cocaine, but between you and me bowling shirts are a little tacky. I also generally also have to ask that these students stop loudly performing 90s swing revival music.

• Clothing either made of or covered in knives and/or blades or other sharp objects. I have wine bottle corks in my desk and a student will be asked to put a cork on all sharp edges immediately for their safety and the safety of those around them. If the clothing features moving blades like active sawblades, I ask that the student unplug them or remove their battery before corking them.

• A peanut butter sweater. Even if a student insists that they brought enough epinephrine for the whole class, it's generally better not to chance a peanut allergy in the class, so I ask that student to stay outside and call a parent to bring an equal amount of jelly and bread to solve the issue.

Otherwise? My job is to put together an incredible lesson plan, to know way more about my subject than is reasonable, to create a fun and engaging classroom culture, and to help my kids learn to love to learn. I have enough stuff that's not on that list clogging up my time, I'm not about to waste a nanosecond worrying about clothing that's not my own.

(I don't consider masks to be part of the dress code, they're a public safety measure.)