I get this too. It’s not Seasonal Affective Disorder because it’s the middle of summer here and I live by the beach. I have had it for around 10 years. I have everything I need in terms of a place to live, car, job, money. I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world with amazing beaches and nature literally 5 minute walk from my place. I should be living the dream, but all I end up doing most days are scrolling through my phone, eating junk food and smoking. I did the same thing in the previous country I lived in. I thought it was the location that was making me that way, but after moving across the world, I realised it’s me.

I have tried therapy, and speaking with friends. The usual response is that I should try and find a hobby. Here are a list of hobbies I’ve tried in my adult life: Tennis, Squash, Swimming, Running, Lifting, Rowing, Surfing, Football, Beach Volleyball, Reading, Gaming, Cooking, Learning a foreign language, and many more.

Whilst some of them are fun, nothing made me passionate about them. I envy people who have a passion for something. I have heaps of spare time and I waste it doing nothing, but I can’t muster the inspiration to do anything else, because well what’s the point?

I think a lot of it has to do with making real friends. I left my hometown aged 23 to study. Had to make all new friends, then left them once my studies finished and I had to move again. Lived in a place and made née friends but moved again for work. Lived in that place and by that time was just so jaded of meeting new people and friends that I found it easier just to not bother.

I moved across the world to try something new. It worked at first but after a few years, I slipped into my apathetic routine where I can’t be bothered doing anything unless I’m essentially forced into it. I feel safe in my apartment, not interacting with anyone else. I ignore phone calls and invites out. When I do go out and socialise I’m the most happy, gregarious, friendly person you’ll meet. It’s exhausting trying to pretend I’m two different things.

The other day I wanted to find a video game to get lost in and I literally couldn’t be bothered playing anything. That’s how fucked I am, I have all this time to do nothing, and I still can’t find something, even shitty like video games to keep me entertained.

I’m not sure how I improve this life, but I don’t think having 0 purpose or any inspiration is normal