Overwhelming. You start complaining about your job even more, tough it out and do extra shifts to even working on your days off. It's frustrating how you have to do so much and never have time to actually rest. Expenses after expenses and even the forseeable future of debt stays on your mind. With the lack of true spousal financial support you man up and sacrifice your life to bring money to the table and be in a shitty mood all day and night. You become selfish and ask Why me? I can never have a fucking day off as you finally get out of a 12 hour shift and finish the 45 minute wait of traffic. Going to a cramped apartment you share with your spouses family that you dont even have a fucking key to despite paying a good amount in rent. Cursing yourself out knowing you'll never have a life up until you reach the front door you get pissed off even more because you have to do dishes, prep for lunch, and pray theres even dinner. You knock on the front door pissed knowing it'll be a while before someone will open it. Another fucking 5 hours of sleep tonight again as you hear the door open. But as soon as you enter the room the first thing you see is your child, she cant even talk, walk, or even function for herself. All she wants to do is crawl to you and be held by you. Suddenly those extra hours of work, sleepless nights, and selfish reasons you thought about doesn't even matter. Those 19 hours you spent become way behind in the past as soon as you get that 5 minutes of alone time holding your baby who doesnt care nor know what you did when you were gone. The fact your present in her life is the only thing she knows and doesnt care about anything else. It's those brief moments in life you can't replicate. It's those moments in life that gives you a reason to keep going. I swear playing those memories in my head is like hearing my favorite song for the first time.