It should probably have been around when my dad died, but he fucked that situation up also. By the time it happened he meant less to me than some random kid in Africa. I guess he desensitized me to these things for a while. I assumed this should be enough of a life changing event that I'm for certain an adult now and my mental state was about as developed as it can get.
Instead I would say it happened maybe a month ago, I was more certain than I've ever been that I was done and now I'm going to grow up and some people are not. My girlfriend had stopped showing interest in me (would flat out not acknowledge me when I walked into the same room most of the time) and I realized it was time to cut ties with a close friend. The girl and I just weren't going to work out, I realized I was interested in growing up, making something for myself and moving to some place with opportunity (to clarify our county has some of the worst poverty rates in the country). She never showed any interest in anything other than furry porn and complaining, she wouldn't join clubs or volunteer or even try and get good grades in school. Whenever I talked about college she'd get mad. Even though she had clear health problems she refused to talk to a doctor. Eventually I got tired of her nihilistic bullshit and when the smoke screen of her having any interest in me faded I broke up with her. The last time I asked her if she even cared for me or herself she came to school and her arm looked like something out of Cambodia. I think she took it nicely when it was for good, but honestly I can't give a damn. Let the dead bury the dead I guess.
As for my friend, we were close in a more criminal's pact sort of way. By chance we both happened to try marijuana together, and then agreed to carefully experiment with other drugs and quietly try the rebellious part of high school that every adult in our life seemed so disturbed we were missing out on. Well fast forward a few months, based off erowid, reddit and testimonies of various other like minded although more experienced individuals, I know at least enough to not get killed. We haven't really advanced to anything outside of weed, although he's taken onto vaping (no nicotine!) and every day serves as an argument that I should be a more level headed, calmer and self respecting individual. To characterize, he's the kid who has been selling overpriced vape pens to all the other prep kids at my school because somehow that's cool, he's the guy who has somehow convinced an Indian immigrant who wears Dillard's brand sweater-vests everyday to call teachers 'cuh'. He gets angry when he can't put his hands on anything of someone else's, and to be frank acts like a fucking child. On the bright side he's much more pleasant high, although that still can't justify stealing $170 from his parents to spend on pretend drugs. I'm sick of him and I realized I was sick of anyone or any pretending to be 'ghetto' because somehow that looks cool. Not saying I dislike poor people, but I'm not going to act like an asshole and take on a different accent and spend all my money on hand held fog machines to appeal to people I don't give a shit about.
That's really it. Not too exceptionally exciting, it's just the right time and place. I've learned my lesson, I'll become a responsible self sustaining member of society. I'm studying more and although I'm not a fan of the ever present bureaucracy in it, I'm grateful for school and my teachers and if I think there's a problem with how the world is I can't complain until I try and fix it. I don't want to get involved in crime, I think drugs are ok but any prolonged use is just another face to alcoholism, and I've known for a time that's not what I want. I'm done with any of those for now. I want to pursue what I love and live an enjoyable life, I'm not being an idiot now to fit into standards that don't exist outside of crappy hip hop remixes on Soundcloud or white people 'rap' songs.