Yeah. I sit in the back yard and debate my whole life out loud, to myself. My wife actually comes out sometimes to ask who I'm talking to? Lol! This usually happens only after about the 4th beer.

I have a good life, also had a good life growing up in the truth. Vacations every year to Destin, fl. (I'm in Texas), swimming pools and bbq's all summer long, we even had a boat too.

My wife has no idea that I am mentally out. I have a good job and provide her a nice life so she pretty much leaves me alone for the most part. She is from Central America (I lived there for a year to help out where the "need is great" lol) she was a special pioneer down there.

My attitude has obviously changed in te last year, I no longer pray before bed or meals, I have 0 interest at the meetings. I hate going in service and I make her speak at all the doors (she's just happy I even get dressed and tag along) I have just recently moved back to the spanish hall and told the brothers I am straight up NOT interested in being a servant. Looks like they're gonna try and "encourage" me. I know tney need help bad, but they also know I served under a tyrant asshole elder last time I was in this congregation, he's gone and they swear things are better now. They probably are I said, still don't mean I'm interested. I really don't know how long I can just lie low and stay under the radar. One elder was a good buddy of mine back when I was here, back then I was an M.S and he had just returned to the truth, now he's an elder and I sense he would make me one too tommorow if he could. I have no desire, and I can sense the gears turning in his head, I think he is catching on that there is something else. Soon I'm gonna have to have that "talk" with the elders. I'm ready for it. I'm gonna juke, jive and duck and dive. "I work alot, I couldn't be a good servant."

Hopefully. They'll back off and I can eventually just be another face in the crowd.

I hope/sense that this organization is close to something big happening. Tey seem to be at critical mass with these bunker and hardcore shunning videos. It reeks of desperation to me. So hopefully soon we'll see some kind of meltdown or something else go down that will wake alot of ones up lie my wife. Till then I'm gonna keep chugging beer and try and wait it out. I really don't want to do the divorce thing yet, so I'll bide my time until something big happens.