I was in the throes of depression, very overworked and stressed, away from family and had just been through a horrible breakup. I had been having regular suicidal thoughts and dreams. At one point I had a gun in my mouth. One day when I couldn’t cope with it myself anymore, I shared with my best friend. He listened for maybe five minutes until he went stone-silent. I gave it time hoping for some kind of commiseration or kindness or “something.” I just needed to share.

Instead, when I asked if he had heard me, he cut me off and said “What? I’m sorry, I’m not invested in your personal life.”

Have you ever experienced a literal flash of red? Like, in your vision, just a mad red bolt of lightning? I did. Then I felt my heartbeat in my eyeballs and I could hear every ounce of blood coursing through my head. A friend of about 20 years, half of my life, wrote me off that way. It’s almost biblical or something, I don’t know. It was a fucking dagger.

But on a positive note, what he said replaced my depression with something else for a while.