I was a good kid in elementary school. Student of the month shit right here. Best grades and best attitude all the time. Super citizen award every other month, because they had to give it to someone else sometimes to be fair.
I got my name written on the board once. In second grade. Didn't even get checkmarks by it, just my name. You weren't even really in trouble until you got checkmarks anyways. I honestly didn't hear the announcement that it was time to stop talking because I was in mid conversation with my partner. To be fair I was explaining to him (foreign exchange student), how to complete a worksheet. I was excited to help him learn so I guess I just missed it. After a few seconds I'm the only one talking and next thing I know... Bam name on the board. It's an injustice in and of itself since I was doing the teachers job for her in the first place by helping this kid. I was always assigned to be a partner with him since nobody else could deal with it. No big deal, until that Friday.
That Friday the teacher decided to have a party for every student who didn't get his or her name on the board. This was unprecedented... Usually the reward was an item from the treasure chest. You know, the one stuffed with pencil grips and made in China party favors. This party, it was big shit in comparison.
First off, each kid got two things out of the treasure chest. Next up, during snack time, the teacher had brought in cookies for everyone of the elite 4 that didn't get his or her name emblazoned in chalk for their missteps that week. Not just any run-of-the-mill stale ChipsAhoy bullshit though, we are talking a full sized two-pack of soft, succulent Grandma's cookies. No open package sharing here, we're talking two cookies per person, to be enjoyed to the fullest extent of all their glory.
It didn't end there. Double fucking recess. They got to leave for recess early with the class next door, and venture into an unknown world that the rest of us chalkboard offenders could only dream of. An entire 15 minutes, supervised by another teacher who for all any of us knew, could have been Ms. Frizzle. The adventures they probably had were almost definitely epic, not to mention fueled by a stomach full of Grandma's cookies. In those extra 15 minutes of recess I can only imagine that they had the swing sets to themselves and there was never any waiting in line or arguing over who's turn it was, because most certainly on that day, it was always their turn.
As a side note, fuck Laura. She got her name on the board every single week. Check marks most weeks too. Office visits occasionally. That week? Elite 4. No name on the board. Full, unrestricted access to the VIP party conspiracy now dubbed chalkgate. Looking back, it was likely a last ditch effort by the teacher to show Laura the benefits of being good, as opposed to a targeted attack on the super citizen I was known to be.
That following week, and every week thereafter, my name steered clear of the chalkboard. No party ever commenced. Laura was back to her ways, check marks, phone calls home, trips to the office. No Grandmas cookies reward for me teaching the Taiwanese kid English though. Fuck second grade.