I woke up New Years Day several years ago after blacking out sometime after 4 am, hungover from a combination of 1 to 2 grams of Molly, 20 or 30 Norcos, probably half a bottle of Whiskey, a few packs of cigarettes, maybe $100 or $200 worth of high grade weed, and some mysterious white lines I was offered at some point I also woke up in bed with two chicks.

This might sound like fun to some people but I realized that morning that I was killing myself and hurting many, many people through my substance abuse problems. I was also dealing drugs and it was to the point where I trusted nobody and was paranoid all the time due to ongoing law enforcement investigations.

A month before I had watched my buddy pistol whip somebody with a sawed off shotgun in front of his kids until some teeth were knocked out. They were planning on killing him but decided against it since his kids were there. Before that I watched another guy nearly beat someone to death smashing his head against the bumper of his car. Earlier that year I showed up to cop from a welfare queen and she was passed out with her 3 welfare babies crawling around, I elected to rob her since I figured she would have no idea who did it the next morning. Not like she was planning on feeding her kids with that money anyways. Before that I walked into a trap house on a similar mission of violence (we managed to settle this issue through nonviolent negotiations) and watched a passed out middle school aged girl get raped on the couch and I didn't do anything about it because we had more important things to deal with.

A lot of these memories still haunt me but I'm happy to be clean now and to have left that life of violence behind.