Mate, I really really know how you feel. Unfortunately, I do not have an answer. My relationship already fell apart because of residency. For me it was harder since I am an IMG from Western Europe. I initially trained in a top 10 European program, came to the US for research and stayed doing general surgery. I am now pgy 4 and it is pure hell. My girlfriend was American. She worked as a high school teacher. I was constantly working 70+, doing research etc. We also moved for my residency to a region she did not like. She eventually ended the relationship and moved back to her area. Since then I had a few dates, but it never worked out.
This job is hell, mate and it does not get better. All of my attendings have failed marriage. One of my attendings is now in his fourth marriage. Another guy is the perfect example of a man wh*** and can never keep a stable relationship. I have another attending who always cheasts on his wife (he literally calls himseld Doctor Playboy and in the OR he always talks about big d*** energy which he has). My program, which is a very strong gen surg. program is filled with these psychos and it simply showed me that this is not the way I want to live my life in terms of family and kids.
Howvver, regardless of residency choice, it is hard and relationships suffer. At the moment, I am sincerely considering to finish general surgery and then transition into the pharm industry. I also hold a PhD and got some really good offers (financially and work-life balance) in the fields of medical advisory and directory in the future. I have another IMG friend from Western Europe who did radiology and after residency he transitioned to industry. He now makes even more money and has a better life.
You eventually have to make a decision and it will not be easy. I pray you make the right one, but please take good care of family and kids. Most of my colleagues disregard their wives and kids which is why their marriages constantly fail.
I am sorry for not having good advise, but I wish you all the best.