I know I'm late to the game here but I think my husband might have accidently raped me. I've never told anyone this.
My husband and I have a pretty non existent relationship. We've been married for about 5 years. About a year ago we decide to talk about ways to spice up our sex lives. I tell him I've always been into bdsm. (Which isn't the first time I've told him but the first he's actually listened) he decides the next day to play out what he believes is bdsm without talking to me about anything. If you know anything about fetishes, there's a lot that goes into it. Safe words, hard limits, aftercare and so on. Well he decides to come up to me after i go to bed and pull the hammer back on his gun and hold it to my head (which I'm not OK with) and proceed to fuck me. he forced me to perform oral, tied me up, gag me, fuck me hard in the ass without prep then go back to my vagina and hit me. I was crying and begging him to stop the entire time. Anytime i would say anything he would hit me hard in the face and tell me to shut the fuck up. About 30 minutes later he gives up because he can't get off and shoves me into into a closet and tells me I'm not good enough to get him off. I lock myself into the bathroom and shower the nasty feeling off me. He texts me while I'm in there telling me that was his last effort to try to save our marriage and that he's done.
About 2 hours later we finally talk and I tell him that there are rules and safe words and I hated every minute of that. He told me that there was a lot more he was going to do but didn't get to it. Such as burning me and making me pretend to ask his ex girlfriends for permission to fuck him. He told me "he did what he felt he wanted to me in real life but couldn't." I've never felt so violated in my life.
I've always been into this stuff and with the right person and the right prep it would have been fun. But because of his decision not to research or talk about it before he tried it, he traumatized me pretty bad. I no longer want to have sex with him. I am not into bdsm at all anymore and even when I masterbate I can't get off anymore because I always have flashbacks of it. Oh... I was about 6 months pregnant at the time this all happened. I went to the Dr to make sure I didn't have any infections or anything but never told them why. I still hate him for this but feel like I can't hold it against him because it was just stupidity and he didn't mean to hurt me. But this is just the type of person he is. It really doesn't surprise me looking back on it.