This is weird and probably doesn’t count but it was so traumatic in the moment. I’ll likely delete this, but typing it out was cathartic.
For backstory: I had a weird period of time (about a month) after I quit taking birth control where my hormones were completely out of whack. I was having these huge rollercoaster mood swings, and I was in the middle of planning my wedding at the time too. I started having massive having panic attacks—Like legitimate, terrifying, attacks that got me spiraling mentally. One of the scary ones got me on this tangent that my anxiety was about the wedding (it wasn’t), and if so, it was an indication that I wasn’t ready to marry my (now) husband. It was totally ridiculous — it truly was a hormonal imbalance, stress, and compounding anxiety on top of pre-existing depression. But I didn’t know that at the time, and I spiraled further into this hole thinking that if we got married, it would be a disaster, we’d divorce, etc. and the spiraling was relentless. My husband was so supportive—he held me every night as i sobbed, and he was there for me when I was so so so scared. Truly, he was amazing considering I’d cry on him asking “What if I don’t love you enough?” Thankfully even he knew this was completely the result of many issues, but said nothing about our relationship.
Anyways, I digress. I started seeing a therapist who was incredible, and after a few weeks she suggested I speak to my doctor about medication because I had slumped into this terrible bout of depression. I’d lost like 20 pounds, wasn’t sleeping, crying over everything, missing work, etc. So I did. I went into the doctors office, she asked what was going on, and I immediately broke down in tears (Which was par for the course that month). I told her I’d been depressed and horribly anxious, and I was planning a wedding which was stressful, I had quit birth control, hated my job, etc. All this stuff came spilling out, so she asked if I was suicidal and I said, “No. I can understand why people would be if they feel like this all the time, but I truly have no desire to die.” We carry on and finish up, and she said something along the lines of “Not to worry. We’re gonna get you all fixed up for your wedding, that is, if you can make it that long.” She was chuckling and trying to be light-hearted and I looked at her with what was probably a look of horror—like she was confirming my fears and thinking I would off myself—and so I immediately started UGLY SOBBING. She immediately apologized and said that it came out completely wrong, and she was joking about the stress of the wedding, but I couldn’t stop crying.
When I got home, I told my husband and we laughed at the hilarity of it and about how bad the doctor must have felt. A few weeks later I was mostly back to normal with the help of medication, exercise, and therapy. But I had never felt the way that I did in that moment—it was overwhelming. I still stuck with the doctor while I lived in that city, and she really was amazing. But I know that was a major cringe moment for her.
3 years post wedding, and marrying my husband was still the best decision I’ve ever made. Followed closely behind seeing a therapist—mental health is important!!!