You know, the world is full of horrific behaviour. Sometimes we don't reflect on that. In Kandahar, I'd analyze post-blast reports of incidents that killed cheerful and brave Afghan soldiers, struggling but hard-working day labourers, entire families who simply drove down the wrong road. Worse stories of intimidation existed. Insurgents cutting the ears off workers building roads, throwing acid in the faces of women. I walked through schools where the insides were trashed and I'd crunch over broken chalk piled on the dirt floors. It's a different world, but somehow the same. At home beneath the peaceful veneer we have human traffickers, child porn, drug violence, family violence, sexual violence, you name it. All that evil in human nature permeates us, alongside the good.

What my experiences helped give me, was perspective. I've never suffered an intimate betrayal as you did, and I expect it will color your view of humanity. I don't know if you reproach yourself, either for being victimized or your method of punishing your mother afterwards. I don't know if you forgive yourself or feel you can't share that with those close to you.

I just want to say, whatever you might think, any crimes and errors of your own are trivial compared to the shit humanity inflicts on each other on an almost daily basis. I'm sorry you had to lose your innocence so young, maybe about others, maybe about yourself. I'm sorry there was nobody close who swore to protect you. You can never undo the past but I hope you can find strength, happiness, and balance. Surviving is the first step. Flourishing is the second.

I hope one day your mother and stepfather realize how badly they hurt you, and feel sick and ashamed. If so, mission accomplished on your part. Validation is important. But if not, I see the logic in what you did. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Apologies in advance if I assumed too much, I have my own faults. But either way, take care of yourself. Sometimes we're the only ones we have.