My first panic attack. It was unprovoked and super intense. One moment I’m relaxing and watching a cartoon alone in my apartment, when suddenly I’m overwhelmed with irrational fear and I immediately stood up and try to figure out what’s so terribly wrong. This was during the peak of the pandemic. I remember feeling like I was the only person alive, so alone, and this deafening silence, like I was in space and no one would hear me scream (glad I didn’t scream at 3am, would have woken my neighbors). I remember holding my head and trying to calm down. So i paced around for a few minutes until it passed, and when it did I was shaken by the experience. I didn’t feel right for a few days afterwards.

I never had anxiety issues before that. Afterwards I started getting anxiety. It’s like it unlocked something in my brain. I have since learned to control it but it takes effort.