No worries. I never get to talk about it irl (because who would want to hear about that sort of thing?). So, talking about it on the Internet is probably healthy. I got pregnant early October 2014. My boyfriend and I had been together for about 6 months at the time, so we were close and loved each other but we were both 21 at the time (now 22) and in college with shitty college jobs and living in tiny apartments (nowhere near ready to parent). Like, we are both way to young and were really unprepared. We were stupid and didn’t use protection. But we got away with it for like four months, honestly. I missed my period and after the third day, I went and bought a pregnancy test. I bought it after my yoga class I teach on Wednesday nights. It was positive so fast, you wouldn't believe it. My boyfriend came over to my house after I picture mailed him a picture of the test and I was like "Dude, I have to have an abortion." There was no question. No options. We told no one. My mom was living across the country at the time and my dad is emotionally dead, so it was easy not mentioning it to them, at first. I rarely saw his parents, so it was easy to hide it to them as well. I live in Kentucky and there is exactly one abortion provider in the state. So the next day, Thursday, I called them up and scheduled it for the next Wednesday. The lady on the phone instructed me: "Bring $600, socks, and maxi pads." Those instructions still give me the creeps. So, through the next week, I had TERRIBLE morning sickness. TERRIBLE. I had to miss two classes and I NEVER miss school, like I'm a kick ass student. I was so sick. I actually lost weight. It was the sickest I've ever been in my life. My distant friend took me to the clinic. I asked her to take me because she had two abortions before and because most of my best friends are Catholic or wouldn’t have been strong enough to do it, I guess. Or like, I didn’t want to put one of my best friends through that, so I asked an outsider. I was instructed to be there at 7:00 am. And I was. I wore my boyfriend's sweatpants (which I love, are the most comfy, and didn't restrict my rounding belly) and my favorite Tshirt. I brought my backpack with "$600, socks, and maxi pads" in it. My boyfriend and I both paid for half. There was two young men protesters and an old lady protester out front. My friend was like "Oh she was here both times I came in". So we flipped them off and went on inside. It was a nice-ish place but cold and dead. Like most hospitals. The people were really nice. Everybody meant business. There were a dozen other women/girls who arrived with me at 7:00. We hugged whoever dropped us off and followed a nurse behind a door. It took forever to check everybody in. I waited and watched TV blankly in a waiting room. I held my belly, apologizing. My phone died really early in the day. I should have brought a charger. I was super pissed at myself for that. I went through with it all. The other patients and I had to watch instructional videos, which were treacherous. I had never had surgery before then. It was my first time being asleep. I guess I was asleep for about 3 minutes. They woke me up, gave me some saltine crackers and ginger ale, told me to get dressed and to not have sex for two weeks, and sent me on my way. I guess I left at about 1:00 pm. I called my friend from the front desk phone and she picked me up. She dropped me off at my house and left really quick. The problem was, she picked me up in a different car than she brought me in and I had left my keys in her first car. So, like, I was locked out of my house, my phone was dead, and I had just had a baby scraped out of my body. I was in a really shitty situation, right? So I walked to my local coffee shop and sat down inside there for a while. I just sat there feeling dumb and underdressed and confused. I was less nauseous than I was before. My morning sickness stopped immediately. Eventually, I got the strength up to walk to a CVS down the road and bought a phone charger. I went back to the coffee shop and charged my phone. I contacted my friend. She brought me my keys (maybe an hour later) and I eventually got into my house and into my bed. You may be asking, where was your boyfriend? He worked the night shift, so he was asleep at his house. I didn’t see him until nearly 8:00 pm. I was understanding, but looking back on the situation I wish he would have been there. I know in my heart the baby was a girl. She would have been beautiful! I’m very beautiful and my boyfriend is very beautiful and she would have been loved deeply and wildly eccentric! But it wasn’t the right time. She would have been born this coming July. I’m going to mourn, and allow myself to mourn on July 9. But I’m totally going to have babies someday! I will be one of the best moms who ever lived (I have an amazing mother and I’ve known many amazing mothers!). But, it was not my time to have a baby. I know that, truthfully. Healing physically was a nightmare. I got a copper IUD inserted two weeks to the day after the abortion. The IUD quadrupled the pain. I was put on Meloxicam and was taking Advil daily. The IUD was a great choice, and I regret not doing it sooner. This whole situation could have been avoided. I will have the IUD until the day I am ready to get pregnant, isn’t that the most beautiful thing science could offer us females? And the copper one I have has no hormones, so that’s excellent. Let me tell you though, I was in bed on my heating pad watching Netflix until the following February. My body was weak and broken, as was my spirit. Though I say I am healed physically, emotionally sometimes it is still a struggle. To worsen the situation, my first cousin got pregnant the week after I did and is keeping her baby. She will deliver her baby one week after I would have (in July). So, I will watch her child (who we know is a girl, as I believe mine was) grow up. I must learn to love it and not hold a grudge against her or anything. It’s a difficult and sort of sad situation, but I will without a doubt, someday be a mother.