IT IS I! FREDBEARPIZZA! NOVEMBER 14TH! OF THIS YEAR! HAS ARRIVED! A SUSPENSION COULD NOT SILENCE ME, THEY WERE FOOLS TO THINK IT WOULD! READY YOUR EARS, AND YOU WILL HEAR THE VOICE OF GOD HIMSELF CARRY ON THE WIND, DOWN THE HILLS! AND! HE! IS! SAYING: Sunday, the tenth of June, 2018. On this day, Todd Howard betrayed the nation. Though we would not figure out the depths of Bethesda’s deceit for another 5 months. At the e3 expo, at 18:30 hours, PT, Todd Howard walked on to the stage, bleeding with conceit and malice. He knows what he is about to do. He is going to degrade all of us, punish us for no reason other than money.
He opens up with a gesture to his perceived inferiors and speaks for the first time.
“We’re all here.”
He starts by buttering us all up, the crowd cheers. We all know that he is a liar, and has a past history of lying, but we go along with it anyway. I remember quite distinctly staring at my tv screen, mouth agape at the terrible truth that my brothers and sisters would cheer for this lying bastard shill. They are shameless, shouting openly that they had come to the conference only for Todd Howard.
Now, I lean back in my recliner and begin taking notes. I have many degrees in pyschology from my University days, and I already know that Todd is a pathological liar, as shown through his excessive and unfiltered lying. This likely stems from his bullying in school. Perhaps, his need for retribution is fulfilled with every sweet little lie that rolls off his tongue. But as we all know, victory is fleeting, and Todd is compelled to lie again.
But this time, Todd goes well above and beyond the typical lying. This time, he is trying to sell us Fallout 76, an objectively bad garbage fire. While Fallout 3, Skyrim, Oblivion and Fallout 4 had been mediocre sludge (not to mention barely RPG’s) even I, a gaming zealot and hero, must admit that I have obtained nearly 10000 hours in each game individually.
But Todd lying about Fallout 76? This, this is unforgivable. This is inexcusable. Todd Coward must be shunned for his treason. I call upon you redditors, I call upon you gamers, I call upon anyone who has been harmed as a result of Todd’s fabrications and delusions to oust him and his shills from the gaming community! Long live Fallout New Vegas! Long live Reddit! Long live us, The People!
Upvote, and perhaps God will reward you with a place in Heaven when the coming day at last arrives!
Day of wrath and doom impending.
David's word with Sibyl's blending,
Heaven and earth in ashes ending.
Oh, what fear man's bosom rendeth,
When from heaven the Judge descendeth,
On whose sentence all dependeth.
Wondrous sound the trumpet flingeth;
Through earth's sepulchres it ringeth;
All before the throne it bringeth.
Death is struck, and nature quaking,
All creation is awaking,
To its Judge an answer making.
Lo, the book, exactly worded,
Wherein all hath been recorded,
Thence shall judgement be awarded.
When the Judge his seat attaineth,
And each hidden deed arraigneth,
Nothing unavenged remaineth.
What shall I, frail man, be pleading?
Who for me be interceding,
When the just are mercy needing?
King of Majesty tremendous,
Who dost free salvation send us,
Fount of pity, then befriend us!
Think, kind Jesu! – my salvation
Caused Thy wondrous Incarnation;
Leave me not to reprobation.
Faint and weary, Thou hast sought me,
On the Cross of suffering bought me.
Shall such grace be vainly brought me?
Righteous Judge, for sin's pollution
Grant Thy gift of absolution,
Ere the day of retribution.
Guilty, now I pour my moaning,
All my shame with anguish owning;
Spare, O God, Thy suppliant groaning!
Through the sinful woman shriven,
Through the dying thief forgiven,
Thou to me a hope hast given.
Worthless are my prayers and sighing,
Yet, good Lord, in grace complying,
Rescue me from fires undying.
With Thy sheep a place provide me,
From the goats afar divide me,
To Thy right hand do Thou guide me.
When the wicked are confounded,
Doomed to flames of woe unbounded,
Call me with Your saints surrounded.
Low I kneel, with heart's submission,
See, like ashes, my contrition,
Help me in my last condition.
Ah! that day of tears and mourning,
From the dust of earth returning
Man for judgement must prepare him,
Spare, O God, in mercy spare him.
Lord, all-pitying, Jesus blest,
Grant them Thine eternal rest. Amen.