We didn't really talk about it at the time. Once we got back to the fob we were pretty quiet just cleaned up had some scran (food) and went to bed. It wasn't until the next morning, in what I suspect was an attempt to give people an opportunity to talk about it if they wanted to, that the Sgt. looked at us and said "I can't believe they fucking missed". It was obvious we all went through something, we all had thought, in one or another, the same thing as the Sgt. The nature of those thoughts and feelings weren't discussed openly, there was another patrol to do and that is what we really had to focus on.

That type of attitude was true with most things, even after a major incident like a death. You do what you can maybe laugh at the memory of things your friend use to do or a memorial but you have a job todo and you will have to do it all over again. Everyone has their own internal journey or coping strategies... and in your sleeping bag at night... we'll most of the time you are too tired to do anything other than sleep but I suppose you are aware of a giant, deep pit opening up that at some point will require attention :)

I think, and if there is a message that I won't to convey its this, there are no such thing as soldiers, certainly there are some who are the hard men Steely eyed warriors but I suspect most of that is play, a role. What there are though are people, just normal people doing a job that takes them to both the physical and psychological limits of experience. Basic training doesn't dehumanise you, doesn't make you immune to normal human emotion just makes you professional. Over the last century, certainly in the west our lives have changed dramatically, we have comfort, media, money, things... this is wonderful and I'm by no means anti-society but this does lead to some... and please excuse my phrasing... evolutionary sterility. The men and boys that come back from experiences like that have that world shattered, often there is a feeling that they no longer belong, tasted the apple and can no longer enter the garden. The world believes that soldiers have been hardened, transformed to deal with that... it's a lie they are just people who have experienced something that our society protects against.

This may sound very dramatic and I'm aware that I'm typing a stream of consciousness on my phone so I hope this doesn't sound too much but for me this is what makes conrad's heart of darkness such a powerful book. Kurtz does what the company wants but in doing so he shows them what their will actually means and they hate him for it and he has to be controlled. Extreme, I know, but I have encountered people very quick to judge and stereotype. No vet wants their pillow fluffed or treated like some hard emotional dead machine. It's this... compassion, not patronisingly so. Do t treat them like soldiers (unless it obvious they want to) they are just people l, just like you who had to face, both internally and externally some bloody horrible things.

... I think I really did go too far but I hope that answers your question. One day I would like to formulate these thoughts into something more coherent but today it will just an optimistic ramble :)

Thank you for asking, one of the more important questions here