So this happened 10 years ago in France.

I was staying at a french guest family during a school exchange (with me being from Germany). Well, my french sucked big time (had it in school for 2 years) and the guest family decided against english (even though at least the parents could speak a bit) to get my french going I guess, so I was always just like "je ne comprend pas" (i don't understand).

So there i was, 13 yo, in southern France being enthusiastic talked to by seven family members at the dinner table unable to understand a single word.

I remember poorly cooked lamb, joghurt and a lot of heavy cheese being served with baguette as dinner. Not the stuff I was used to, but me, already insecure as fuck didn't want to complain.

After dinner i went to my room (had a whole floor to myself with a room and a bathroom) to relax and just not feel like an idiot being laughed at by five children.

After some hours around 10pm all the candy and fast food during the travel topped with the raw cooked lamb paid their dues so I went to the bathroom next door.

And there the fuck up began.

I remember that the guest parents talked to me earlier that day as they showed me around the house especially something about the bathrooms. That there were two, one next to my room and one 3 floors down (they had a giant old landhouse) and something else I didn't understand.

Being in a rush, I took a giant shit, turned around and noticed that there was no fucking toilet paper. I looked around everywhere, even in the bathroomclosets but no. Zero. Nada. Not even a single fucking piece.

I was just sitting there in panic, but after a minute I remembered having a pack of tissues in my bag next door (thanks mom!).

So I listened if anybody was outside on the floor and decided to storm to my room, get the tissues and rush back to handle my business. Easy.

First things first, I stood up, flushed the toilet and the thing I saw as I turned around let me turn into total panic mode.

I saw the poop completely blocking the hole where it should leave through. The flushing water rushed down from the sides just filling up the bowl. I completely lost it and smashed the "Stop/Back" button of the toilet.

Do you remember old toilets at old houses where the waterstop-function doesn't really work and it just stops after the waterflow naturally ends? Yep, had it there.

So there I was standing in complete awe looking at this toilet bowl, half filled with water blocked through my poop.

I went certifiably nuts in that situation. There was no fucking toilet brush anywhere, no plunger, nothing. The fact I hadn't wiped my ass suddenly became so unimportant I sat down on the bathroomfloor thinking as hard as I could what to do now.

Just leaving it as it is would be no option because it was day one of a whole week with the family and it was kinda like my private bathroom since the lower bathroom was closer for everyone else.

13yo dumbass me decided to somehow push the poop through the tiny hole. So I locked the door of the bathroom, went to my room and got a pen (should have brought the tissues too but had priorities i guess).

After poking elbow deep in the bowl for 15 minutes I gave up. The flushing hole was so fucking tiny and I just didn't understand why.

After some more panicfilled minutes I remembered a young brother of my guest brother taking a shit in the lower bathroom earlier that day because it stank like hell after he returned to the living room and everybody jokingly screaming at him.

So on the one hand the most stupid but on the other hand pretty pragmatic plan was born to somehow get the poop stuck in the toiletbowl into the toiletbowl 3 floors down.

After I had found nothing in the bath, I checked my room nextdoor and the best I could find was a fucking see through plastic bag (the vulnerable ones where you put vegetables in at the store).

Back in the bath I needed another ten minutes to overcome myself to go full contact and couragously picked up piece after piece of my turd out of the bowl into the plastic bag.

I knotted the bag, washed my hands with pure disgust and went on to my personal walk of shame.

After all things happened it was maybe around 11pm and the house was quiet. I went down the 3 floors with the turd bag in the pocket of my hoodie. Needless to say that the smell went through the thin plastic.

Finally downstairs I entered the living room the see that the guest parents were still awake watching tv. I was hoping to sneak somehow behind theirs backs to the bathroom but they -of course- turned around, going full eye-contact and unknowingly giving myself the most emberassed moment of my life. So far.

They looked surprised to see me still around bc we had to wake up at 5:30am the next day and started to chit chat something in (of fucking course) french.

The turdsmell hit my nose standing in their nice upper middle class living room and I panicked, just said "toilet" and stormed off.

Finally the toilet downstairs was a normal one and I could manage to get rid of my turdbag and wipe my ass properly. Never since then have i felt such a release to have overcome a such shitty situation.

The next day I talked to my german classmates if they have ever seen something like that toilet. Most haven't but one guy explained it to me. That day I learned "just pee" toilet bowls are a thing.

tl;dr Went on school exchange to france, ate raw cooked lamb, took a giant shit in a "just-pee" toilet, struggled hard with life and finally had to walk with a plastic bag full of turd through the whole house past the guest parents.