When I was 16, I was molested twice and then raped by the same 35 year old man in a period of a week. He took my virginity and he made me bleed profusely. I never told anyone about all the blood, it was never important to the police. But it was traumatizing to say the least.

When I was with my first boyfriend he was terribly oppressive. I told him about the rape and I honestly think it never truly listened. One day during one of our fights he told me I was a whore and that I was disgusting and worthless. Then he told me he didnt think I was actually a "virgin" because I didn't bleed when we had sex for the first time. And the other woman he had sex with did. I told him I wasnt technically a "virgin" but that he was my first. Apparently to him that wasn't important, just the virginity aspect.

Sometimes when my brain wanders I think of that and wonder why I ever loved him, but also I blame myself. I'm so ashamed.