I've shared this with my close friend who's helped me through this all, but no one else it didn't directly effect. Like family, and friends.
I was in a 7 year relationship (currently 19 y/o) and it was really abusive emotionally and physically, on both our ends.
Back story/setting/Additional related facts: Moved states away from my family to live with this girl and her family. Her family saw me as thier kid because they knew my parents weren't the best, specially my mom. (Lived with my grandparents all my life, but they were still just my grandparents.) Additional side note, I love her mom. Easily one of the greatest influences in my life. I knew this girl since I was about 11 or 10, and we started dating when we were both 12. Currently, I'm living with mentioned friend from above, so at least I'm out of it all. I was her first actual boyfriend. I lost a lot of friends because she was the jealous type, and I was the type to do as she wished.
Beginning: Everything was fine with the relationship, and we had a lot of good times together. We'd stay up late and enjoy games together or just chatting. Eventually we started hangingout. Because I was a regular middle/highschool boy, I'd talk to other people in ways that'd bother her. We had something really good going on for awhile, and I wouldn't trade much for these memories.
Fast forward to middle of highschool: I don't recall what started it, but she became emotionally unstable and get upset about simple things really easy. I'd try to help her relax and calm down, but there wasn't much I could do even with all the things I tried. (Maybe I just missed something?) So, a few months after all this started, it was only getting worse. We started off by fighting verbally about small things, I couldn't even recall what. Then it became physical and she'd throw things and I'd try to restrain her. I didn't want to get hurt, or her to self harm more. Eventually she starting throwing shit at me as I tried to help.
Important note, I was never able to get upset about it without it upsetting her. I just bottled it up as best as I could.
Eventually, I had enough of the shit and we took a few months apart. We never actually stopped talking during that time though. Then the worst came. She attempted suicide, and I had to take her to the hospital, because she came to where I lived to do it. After some time passed, it got worse. She went to a place to meet up with a friend whom never showed, and was raped by two men for a few hours. I will never not blame myself for this, and no one can make me feel other wise. (I could have been there, and if we were still dating at the time, It would have never happened). She came to my house afterwards, and I begged my grandparents to just let her stay and take a bath and go home. Granddad asked a few questions, and was infuriated. We called the police, and they took her to the station they came from, which was located at the same building the rape occured at. Long story short, the cops threatened her that if she was lying about it, she'd go to jail, so she said it didn't happen. And my grandparents don't believe it actually happened. (I know otherwise though. Her clothes were messy, she was half undressed when I saw her. And the fucking smell. It'll never leave me. She got a kit done afterwards. As of what came of the two, I'm better off not knowing, I'd probably kill them if I ever saw them.) (I told myself I'd give up my happiness as long as she was okay and happy, and up untill recently, I did.)
After that happened, we got back together, and things seemed fine for awhile. Her parents moved during her senior year of highschool, and she insisted on staying till she graduated. I practically lived with her, making sure she was safe and eating well. And things were fine. Even the sex was fine. Around the end of the school year, she started digressing. We started fighting again, and there was property damage. But I didn't lay a hand on her this time, because I was worried it'd cause memories of the rape to come up. So, I'd just stand there and take her shit.
Nothing was better, and we both moved to live with her parents. The fights didn't escalate, but the frequency they occured increased. Her parents were grateful I was around to help them with her, but never knew how bad it was till about a year ago. They told me I shouldn't have to take that kind of behavior, but I knew leaving would have pushed her over the edge again, so I stayed around and delt with it.
Few weeks ago: Did a trip to visit a friend a few states away for five days, and we drank and had a good time. Except she said I was killing the mood, and on the second night we drank she asked me to go to bed early so I wouldn't kill the mood again. I don't know what occured that night, but things changed after it. She'd go to bed early to talk to him till really late, and then eventually I just asked her when I should pack my bags. (There were a lot of things I was never told, and just had to find out. This one remains a mystery.) She we finally talked about things, and she said that she didn't love me anymore and that she wants to figure out her life. (We had stopped being intimate for a few months before all this). I was at a standstill in my life. I tried living with her just as a friend/roommate, but seeing her only reminded me of everything. (Back to the intimate part, fuck me is it hard to find other people attractive now. We were dating for so long while I was figuring my shit out, that she just became my preferences for just about everything I wanted in a partner.)
I finally moved out, and into a friend's place. That's where I am now.
Final thoughts: I had plans and goals that all involved her, and her parents being there as my own, and now I'm kinda stuck. I haven't told my grandparents, my actual parents, nor any of my siblings. I'm worried I won't be able to tell them I don't want to go back. I like the area I live in, and I have school to attend. Also jobless, but I am searching- Don't want to bum off people anymore.