I have professionally diagnosed Dissociative Identity Disorder. I'm at the end of a divorce. I ( the current host) am NOT the ex spouse. They (the alter who identifies as the ex) are miserable, suicidal, desperate to go home and grieving the loss of their soul mate. I did not choose to leave, nor am I sure who did. I am just making my way forward, trying to keep my grief stricken head mate from disfiguring us all or worse. They've already put us in a 3 day coma.

I feel so hard for our ex and my head mate. Their grief is haunting. It's not as if they can divorce only one or some of us. Not like our head mate can just jump into a separate body and they can continue on as a singleton. It's no wonder our ex has never called, but it's so hard to be in the middle, watching from the inside as my headmate drunkenly cuts our anniversary tattoo while listening to Guns & Roses' "Don't cry" while sobbing until we throw up. It's like a sudden violent death, because we had no part in the break up.

I wish I knew who did this to us. This disorder is cruel, not just to us, but the ones we leave behind.

This is the second time this has happened and I'm terrified it will happen again. I was the grieving ex last time.