Thank you for using the words "soul crushing" - that's exactly what I've been telling people. The thanklessness of it coupled with the constant judgement is quite literally soul crushing. I haven't regretted having my child but I have definitely longed for more support. I have a few girlfriends (who are actually single parents!) with kids who still seem to be able to go out and party whenever they feel like and I have no clue how they do that. I don't have anyone in my life willing to watch my kid all night for free and I can't afford to pay a babysitter $100 so I can go to a party. My husband would lose his shit if I pulled that.
And no one appreciates what you do because no one is really around to see it. My husband comes home every day and the apartment looks exactly the same as it always does. I think he just assumes the apartment puts itself back together or may be that our toddler doesn't actually touch anything, but he certainly has no understanding of how much time I spend cleaning and organizing it so it is exactly the same every day, hahaha. And since I'm not actively garnering money my opinions and suggestions on virtually everything are null and void because I'm not funding anything directly (nor do I cook or clean because my apartment does this for me), so no one cares what I want.
And on top of everything you have to deal with other parents. Bane of my existence! This is the shit you don't realize before having a kid. I think I had a pretty good grasp on what a nightmare the kid was going to be, but other parents? No one prepared me for that. No one prepared me for the woman who ripped me a new one on the playground because I let my toddler ride the toddler slide and she fell and got a bloody lip. Holy shit, lady, I'm trying to comfort my kid here, can you fuck off? No one prepared me for the woman who screamed me down in a mall parking lot because I dared to run my baby into the mall, across the lot, without a hat and socks on. I'M SORRY I FORGOT THE HAT AND SOCKS! I'M MOVING!
My husbands parents actually had the nerve to claim that their kids never cried, heavily implying that by allowing my child to cry for five minutes after I put her in bed I am clearly a bad mother. Hey, she was in a strange place, it was taking her a bit longer to get to sleep, mmmk? And no, I don't just let her cry for hours and hours, but five minutes is not that long a time, and your kids never cried when you put them to bed? Really? Because you either don't fucking remember, you're being full of shit, or that explains why my husband is so spoiled.
Meanwhile, I couldn't ask for a better kid but that doesn't mean the idea of taking her to the playground and dealing with those bitches sounds fun to me, enrolling her in school and dealing with that sure to be nightmare is also a daunting and fast approaching task, and yes, yes I would like to go to the occassional party, so shoot me.