Okay fuck. Long one. It's not even that dramatic but fuck me I am bitter.
I moved to a different country. Once I got set up I paid to fly three of my mates out to visit me. We'll call them Mate, Dinni and Step. Now I know money is really not the point. But all told spent about two grand on them, probably without counting the flights.
Dinni and Step are a couple, and tend to need their space. So they got my room. I took the sofa corner island bit and Mate got the sofabed.
Week starts out okay, I took them around places. Didn't pay for everything but I treated them to meals, trips an stuff. Step just kinda wandered off during our first outing. Kinda irritating, like we couldn't go on anywhere without him so... I just had to message him and go grab a coffee with Mate hoping he checked his phone. We spent the week kind of marching to the beat of Step's drum. Let him pick what we did.
By the end of the week Step's behaviour became so unpleasant it got really tense. Dead silent. Sulking. Not nasty. But really not nice to be around.
Now I know Step. Go back years. I know he was stressed at work. I know he has rough patches. I know when he's down he needs space, time and patience. So I let him do his own thing. At one point he asked Mate for a chat in private. Weird, but okay. Don't butt in, Mate and Step go back even further.
But I have a flatmate. We'll call her Leah. Leah is cool, she hung out with us, played games with us in the evening.
By the end, Step was causing such misery with his attitude when he was out of the room, Leah asked if she had done something that caused this.
At this point I kind of thought "okay. Nah. I signed up for having them here but Leah didn't. If he's making her this uncomfortable too, it's not on". But fine. He's leaving tomorrow. Forget it.
But now I'm just counting down the hours until they get the fuck out of my home. I was delighted when one of them suggested going to the airport early. Held the door open. Breathed a sigh of relief. Done.
Few days later. Step messages me. Accuses me of bullying and Ostracizing him and by extension Dinni. Being socially manupulative. Generally being a cunt. Tells me Dinni is also upset with me.
Now, it's true, I can be a cunt. But the thing is Mate, Step and I are all dicks to each other. Sometimes we fuck up. But ever since we have been old enough to talk out our shit, we have done it. A spoken agreement to communicate it when a line is crossed.
So this explains the private talk with Mate. And some other shit.
Okay. He's in a bad place and I pissed him off. Right. But his message tells me he is blocking me on all comms. He tells me he might not even read it if I respond. And this bit gets me. His reason for not talking to me at the time. He feared the repercussions of being thrown out with no money in an unfamiliar city where he doesn't speak the language.
Nah. Not good enough. No way I would have turned out a friend for being upset with me. Maybe I'd be angry too. But he'd still be fed and sheltered in my home. Mate wouldn't stand for Step being kicked out either. It's not how we do things.
So months pass. Mate gets drunk and asks me about Step's message. Thing is I never said a word about any of it to Matt or Dinni. I wasn't going to put them in the middle of our shit. Confirms the private conversation was about me. I ask Mate to be honest. Was I the arsehole? No. Mate asked Step what I was doing that upset him and he had no answer. This happened multiple times.
Dinni had no problem with me either, we remained on good terms.
Step fucking well came into my home for a week, was granted every courtesy and I expended a lot of effort to try and give them all good week.
It was cast in my teeth, my flatmate was made to feel uncomfortable in her home, I was accused of being inclined to kick him into the street and our mutual friends were put in between us for no reason.
Months later I was visiting my home country. Met up with Dinni and she tried to reconcile Step and I. Said we could meet up.
Nah. He told me he wanted zero contact. He cut me from his life without discussion. Without mercy. I showed him the respect of honouring that wish. Even though I considered him in the wrong.
He doesn't get to decide to stroll back in when it suits him.
TLDR; I fly friends out to visit me. One gets pissed off, brings everyone down, makes it the problem of our other friends and then goes no contact until it suits him otherwise.