When i was in 8th grade i was a terrible student. Not a troublemaker, just the opposite, actually. I was just very lazy, never did my homework, and relied on my test scores to skate by. My grades were terrible.
My English teacher, Mrs. Hayes, was an extremely nice woman who clearly cared about every student in every one of her classes. She made it her mission to motivate and light a fire under me. She would always take the time to talk to me about school, life, issues i had at home. She would have me go to her classroom during lunch (which i hated) just to give me the opportunity to finish assignments and such.
For some reason this embarrassed me. I hated the thought that i needed special treatment. So while this saint would do everything she could for me, i started resenting it. One day, when she asked me to stay for a bit after class, i got mouthy. I told her to mind her business. I said things to the effect of "you obviously didnt do well in school or you wouldnt be a middle school teacher". Just awful, absolutely reproachable shit that makes my stomach twist into knots just thinking about it today...
She cried. She cried the most horrifying, soul-crushing tears ive ever seen. She walked out of the classroom and i instantly understood how horrible i had just acted toward this woman who wanted nothing else but to help me.
She never tried to help me again. She allowed me to not pass in assignments, and rightly failed me every time i didn't. She was never interested in getting personal with me ever again, and she had a good reason. How could i blame her?
Two years ago i decided i should write her a letter to tell her how often i think about what i said that day and how much i regret it. It really was a defining moment in my life and i just wanted to apologize to her, because there isn't a person on this planet more deserving of one than she was.
I wrote a letter that i thought perfectly expressed how i felt. I proofread the hell out of it because i knew she would appreciate it more if it was well written. When i was satisfied with it, i sealed it up and googled her to find her address.
What i found was her obituary. She had died in 2012. About a year prior to me writing the letter and probably 15 years after the incident. I had waited too long to apologize, and i will never get my chance to. I can honestly say it is one of the biggest regrets of my life and i think about it all the time....
I still have the letter in my desk.