Went to Six Flags on a school trip, spent the day there and ate nothing but garbage the whole time (as one does). Before getting on the bus to go home, I go into one of the public bathroom stalls to relieve myself, and the entire day's worth of Dippin' DotsTM , microwaved pizza and deep-fried Snickers is expelled from my body at once in one single, gigantic log. Like, this thing was bigger than Willem Defoe's dick. What's more, it extended so far out of the water that it was securely glued to the toilet wall, such that no amount of frantic flushing could hope to dislodge it.
Having no tools on hand with which I could attempt to jostle the shit-snake from its perch, and realizing that the bus was about to leave, I resigned myself to my fate and left. On my way out the door I accidentally locked eyes with the next guy who was waiting in line -- just for a moment -- before fixing my gaze on the floor and continuing my walk of shame.
Then, as I was leaving the bathroom, from behind me I suddenly heard someone exclaim "HOLY SHIT! Dude, come look at this fuckin' shit, man! It's fuckin' huge!" ... In that moment, I simultaneously felt both pride and shame in equal measure. I quickened my pace and never looked back.
The following year at Hershey Park, having learned absolutely nothing from past experience, I ate an entire 3-foot long gummi snake right before boarding the bus, then threw up into my brown paper lunch bag and sat with it on my lap for the 4-hour trip home.