When I was 16 (24 now), my dad called me one day and was like "I talked to a friend, and he said his wife can get you a first job" and I didn't think much of it. At the time, I spent most of my time with school work or smoking weed with my friends, so I didn't mind the idea of the job, but I didn't have one before, so didnt know they usually required a drug test. Me and my mom drove down to the job, it was at a cruise ship terminal. They gave me a shirt and tie, took my picture for a badge, I was in. At the end, one last thing "we need a drug test" my mom says "oh we can do that on the way home" and my heart sank. I'd never been caught for smoking weed before, and I panicked. Being quick under pressure, I realized that it was semi late in the day, and if I could slow us down enough, we might just have to do it tomorrow, so I proceeded to do everything I could to lag. I tied my shoes, I went to the bathroom and killed time, I said I forgot something and doubled back, all that. My mom caved finally and said "well do it tomorrow". However the twist is, now my dad will take me, and if they tell me at the place I failed, he'll take the news worse than my mom. I'm freaking out. Later, my mom leaves, and the house is mine. Immediately I call my older brother, who says "call everyone you know who is 18+ to buy you fake piss from a head shop, if you can't reach anyone, drink a 'sumptuous' amount of water, and if it's really bad, a shot of vinegar and it will 'flush you out'". I called everyone, twice, some three times, and left messages, or two messages. I start panicking a lot. I have a 40 Oz bottle of water near my bed, I fill it up and drank it three times, or 120 oz. of water. I'm about to take a shot of vinegar, when my best friends' older sisters' husband called. He heard my message and already has the fake pee, I just need to pick it up! He tells me he moved, but he lives on the same block, just a different apartment complex. I already had my license, so I hop in the car immediately. It's about a 20 minute drive. I'm driving along the coast, when all the sudden, half way there, it hits me. I didn't ask my brother when he said 'flush you out' I assumed he meant something with thc, not poop, but no, alas he meant poop. I hit the shit wall like I've never hit before, I had to poop NOW. I'm in the neighborhood I grew up in, no businesses around, no toilets. My destination is the only hope. I'm literally flooring it in my car, which I had never done, and im blowing stop signs, which I had never done. I get there somehow, I park somehow, somehow I run. I get there and knock... it's not his place anymore. I realized he told me, and I just marginalized it in my brain somehow. I ran for about two full minutes looking frantically, when I gave up, and shit in the alleyway, defeated. I ended up getting the pee, and I got the job, all while not getting caught, but at a terrible price.
TL; DR: 16, got a job, didn't know about drug tests, didn't wanna get caught smoking weed, drank way too much water, tried to find fake pee, shit myself before I found it because of the water.