Four years ago I was 16, in my first year of college (sixth form) and having a great time! I'd been with a girl for maybe five months by February 2012, and I think it was around that time we lost our virginity to each other. I had a really good two years of college there and I actually ended up moving in with that girl. I knew what I wanted to do at university and life was looking pretty good!

Fast forward!

In May (I think) 2015 me and the girl had a very messy breakup - I was more aggressive than I should have been, never hurting her, but enough to make her feel scared. I hated myself for that. I also self-harmed and stopped eating, I dropped a stone in about a month and started seeing a psychiatrist. Started getting better, thought I was ok. On July 8th, my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

It hit me like like a ton of bricks. Really pointy, hard bricks. It started as breast cancer but metastasized, spreading to her liver, lungs and bones. I stopped eating again and moved back in at home, where I would live until she died. On September 4th, she passed away. For the last few days she was on a continuous morphine drip for the pain, but she still hardly slept; we could hear her whimpering in the night, I will never ever forget how she sounded. July 8th and September 4th are two dates I will never forget, between those two I said goodbye to my mum, the strongest woman I will ever know.

Right now, I'm at university. My family is managing, we're all supporting each other. I'm studying the subject I knew I wanted to study four years ago, and I'm surrounded by like-minded people who I have a great connection with. Things are getting better. I'm not ok, and my family and friends know that, but I'm getting better. Every day.