Whose line is it? [May 30 2016]

So.
I met Leviathan on day three. He fucked my legs up.
Got shuffled to Brockton Bay in the coincidence to beat all. Tried to figure out why I was here and what I had to do and how to do it without fucking it all right to hell.
Failed.
Triggered in the traditional Haha! Here you go you poor dumb fuck! fashion from the stress of it.... I got that going for me at least.
Tried to at least be sane a little. Made friends with normal people. Ran a school cheating mill. Used my power to win at Basketball.
I refused to help with Taylor with Sophia because I was terrified of getting involved.
Ended up having the traditional first night out as a cape because Sophia figured out I had a Power.
Met Glory Girl. She mistook me for a Nazi. Owww. Got her phone number out of it
Had a bar blown up by some sort of Shatterbird bomb. Saved a few lives with a warning.
Got noticed by the Protectorate.
Beat them too it when two local Nazi's objected to being told to fuck off, with Tec-9's. They take a chekov's gun to the face.
Got a phone call moments after asking me if I wanted help - or to take my chances with the American justice system. That might've been self defense, but then again, Canary.....
Took the obvious decision.
Agreed to take the job, in exchange for Coil keeping the Nazi's off my family. Joined the Undersiders in time to do something useful while bringing down Bakuda. Hacked her bomb controls with tattletale's help, breaking the news to her with a wonderful "I did it 35 seconds ago"
Found out that I'd also accidentally tied the bombs to my own transmitter, and they'd go off when it died. After eating up the battery.... She tried to blackmail me with the shutdown code for letting her go. Lolnope. Third option. Ask Glory Girl/Panacea for help. Got arrested for the first time in the process. Undersiders used a Traveller attack on a gala dinner as a distraction for a breakout. While we didn't really get on, having a team member languish in captivity for doing 'the right thing' looked bad.
Coil outs the Empire.
The Empire goes after my family.
One gets rescued.

And it's all a Coil plot to get my arse stuffed into the Wards as a potential infiltrator, to feed him information on patrol schedules and the like because he knows where my mother has been relocated to.

So. I've killed people in self defense and wonder if the little brain slug isn't a little bit bloodthirsty. Have Empire 88 hunting my family. Annoyed Taylor to the point she doesn't really like me, and am being manipulated into working as a spy inside the Wards by the person responsible for it all.

And Piggot knows.

Then the Sirens went off. Busy month, huh?

In hindsight, maybe I should've left it all to the security guard.

/r/Parahumans Thread Parent