No I stupidly kept drinking by myself without having eaten, knowing i was alone and knowing that I had past my limit. I also kept drinking fully well knowing about alcohol poisoning. The emotions which led to it, took over. By the time I called him though I was pretty far gone. I drank it fast and I drank a lot of a drink which contained 40% alcohol. He described a call I don't remember. I saw on my phone in the morning that I managed to text something like Take care of my sister, I gotta go. But mostly there were just indecipherable words. Nevertheless, I take responsibility for my actions. It just felt lame waking up alone knowing that someone else knew what position I was in and didn't care enough to help. Truly I wish to never do this again. The end result is that I feel detached which I think I like. He was an ex who and we were trying to be friends and in my emotions I overstepped..all be it drunkenly. Earlier in the day we had a long discussion which I ended up being in tears about. (He knows because he said the things which inspired the tears to me on the phone) I know He is not responsible for whether I kill myself by drinking too much and in an irresponsible way. I'm kind of ashamed of my actions even my drunk actions but I know why I did it.I really didn't plan the evening like that. I planned to be with another friend and drink to be happy. Calling him was not part of the plan. In my drunk state I knew I love(d) him but he does not love me and we have tried but are failing to communicate. He gets exhausted by me and I get exhausted trying to explain myself. I don't mind making the effort to try and say things in a way in which he wants (which is less argumentative) but sometimes I just need him to believe that none of what I say ever has bad intentions. Our friendship has reached the end of the road. Right now at this moment, I feel it is wrong to blame him for my errors and even though he did not really do anything wrong I can't be friends with someone who doesn't care of enough to check. I was really depressed and honestly I did want to die. I am better now I think and maybe this event was what I needed to truly remove him from my heart. Sadly we discussed it because he did call in the morning and I understand why he wasn't concerned. He didn't know I was alone and I'm generally smart and can take care of myself. Which makes it hard for me to resent him but its easier to just detach.